Turnings
by mitani mont
Summary: Suddenly, small insignificant things seem relevant. The trivial becomes the crucial. The four boys who named themselves 'The Marauders' never guessed how they would end up changing the Wizarding World forever. Marauders Era. Sirius/Remus
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: The characters in this fiction are based on the wonderful workings of Ms JK Rowling. She wins.

Authors Note: Well here is the beginnings of my first fully fledged story. Lordy knows how this one will turn out but I hope you enjoy it. Please note that it hasn't been beta'd, but should any of you lovely readers find mistakes (of which I'm sure there will be many), do let me know and I'll edit it accordingly. And by the way, I have every intention of slash to follow. Whoop whoop! Here we go...

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**Prologue**

**Two Fell, Two Hung, One Lost, Five Flung**

It was unusually cold for a September morning and the wind managed to make it through platform 9 and 3/4s, blowing straight through Rhea's bones. She pulled her robes tighter around herself and then smiled fondly as her son craned his neck to survey past the abundance of students littering the platform.

"Calm yourself Remus," she sighed, picking a hair from his robes. The Lupins may be poor, but she prided herself on making the best of what they had. Her mother had always said it never did to give people further reasons to pity you, and Rhea stood by that.

Remus barely spared her a glance and continued scanning his surroundings. Rhea shook her head contentedly. Hogwarts had done nothing but good to him. Her beautiful child, where had he gone? Where was the timid little boy who was barely able to speak in front of others, with wide eyes and soft baby hair? Remus had now become more than she ever had dared to hope for, standing tall and strong – now a good head above her. He had the build of his father, slender and lean with a well-defined face and soft amber eyes.

Remus suddenly relaxed. She actually felt all the tension leave his body. He grinned as he saw a tall raven-haired boy make his way over.

"Your father would have been so proud of you, you know." Said Rhea softly.

Remus glanced at her gave her a brief smile. "Not right here, Mum, please."

'I know, I know. But I'm not going to see you for a good few months. Allow your mother a few moments of sentimentality."

Remus laid a hand on her shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. "I promise I'll write regularly."

Rhea would have nodded but instead emitted a little scream of surprise as someone knocked into her from behind.

"What ho Rhea!" cried Sirius, giving her a tight hug.

"Mr Black, Merlin, detach yourself at once!" said Rhea fondly pulling away. "And it's Mrs Lupin to you."

Sirius let her go and grinned, and Rhea hated to admit she almost blushed. The boy had grown substantially since she had last seen him, and was truly beautiful now. All aristocratic grace with black hair, pale skin, high cheekbones and clever grey eyes that sparkled with warmth. Merlin help the girls at Hogwarts, she thought.

"But Rhea, surely we're on first names terms by now. For I am a gentleman, and you are gentleman's daughter: so far we are equal." Sirius mimed taking off his hat as he performed a smart bow.

"Reading Muggle books again, Master Black." Laughed Rhea, pulling out her cigarettes and lighting one with her wand. "What would your mother say?"

If she had blinked, she might have missed the look that flashed across Sirius' face, but it was gone just as quick as it came and instead he commenced in pulling Remus into a headlock.

"Hello Sirius." Said Remus, as though this was not an unusual form of greeting.

Sirius grinned. "Ha ha Remus you son of a gun! Damn it feels like months!"

"It has been- ahhh! For merlins sake Sirius-" Remus shouted his hair was amply ruffled. "Oi cut it out!"

"What do we say?" Said Sirius, as he proceeded to swing Remus around.

'You're a son of a bitch?" said Remus gasping and hitting Sirius a couple of times.

"Remus!" exclaimed Rhea.

"No no, Rhea; he has a point. But that's not the right answer. Remus…"

"I'm not saying it!"

"Come on admit it!"

"It's all lies! Lies!" Remus tried to pull out of the headlock, but Sirius' hold was firm. Several other parents shot them looks of disdain. Rhea smiled at the glares. Let them disparage: her son was happy.

'Not letting go any time soon…"

"K, ok ok!" growled Remus. "The Wasps will beat the Cannons this Cup!"

"Too bloody right! And? What else?" cried Sirius, sounding triumphant.

"Sirius Black beats James Potter in everything, including exploding snap, long-distance dungbomb flinging, flying brooms and general suave panache." Remus growled out through his teeth.

"There now," said Sirius letting Remus go and smirking, "that wasn't so hard was it?"

Remus scowled and tried to flatten his hair. Sirius tutted.

"Leave it Remus, it looks better that way. And poor show my friend, I'd expect you to be better then that with two weeks to go."

Rhea raised her eyebrows. _So this boy knows the lunar calendar. More attentive one would appear._

"Just try me in two days Sirius, then you'll be sorry." Remus muttered.

"Don't insult my intelligence Remus, I don't do kamikaze."

"Huh."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means: huh."

"Hey Remus!" came a call from behind them.

Rhea had barely time to dodge out of the way as a blur of red dived for her son. Remus grabbed the girl and wrapped his arms around her happily.

"Lily! How are you? You look amazing." Said Remus stroking her hair and planting a kiss on her head.

Lily pulled back and smiled, turned, glanced at Rhea and blushed. Rhea smiled encouragingly. _Well now, Remus never mentioned her._

"Lily, this is my mother, Rhea Lupin."

"Nice to meet you." Said Lily, straightening and holding out her hand.

"And you." Said Rhea shaking hands with the girl. She looked up at her son, not quite managing to hold back a smile. "Remus, have you been keeping secrets from me?"

"What?" said Remus, looking genuinely confused. "You think- Lily and me?" Amidst his shock, Remus heard Sirius snigger.

Lily shot Sirius a look and pushed her hair behind her ear as she recomposed herself. She smiled sheepishly at Rhea. "Although Remus is the only gentleman in the school, Mrs Lupin, I'm afraid our relationship is purely platonic."

"Hitting on my girl again, Lupinio?" said James strolling towards them, _with that smaller boy in tow. __What was his name? Patrick? Paul?…_ James tried to kiss Lily on the cheek, who neatly ducked out of the way.

"In your dreams, Potter," Lily said, brushing down her robes as though she had just been stepped into a cloud of dust.

"Why Mrs Lupin! You look simply ravishing!" said James grinning at Rhea.

"Thank you, I'm sure." Said Rhea dryly.

"Weird," said the boy next to James. _Percy? Something beginning with P…_ "It's like you talking, Remus, exactly the same. Except its your mum, and not you. Like you if you were older and female and something, that's what you would be like."

Remus nodded. "Uh-huh."

Sirius laughed and clapped the boy on the back. "Once again, enlightenments and insights from Master Peter Pettigrew!"

_Peter. I knew it began with P._ Peter blushed and muttered something under his breath.

"Remus did you read that book for Charms?" said Lily happily.

"Amazing wasn't it? But lord know how we're going to tackle the charms in chapter four. Relocation and disorientation looks like it will be a pretty precise..." Remus stopped and Rhea followed his gaze too Sirius and James.

They were both huddled together and turned slightly to look at a boy who stood a way down the platform with rather lank hair and a slightly oversized, hooked nose. Simultaneously, they nodded and took out their wands.

Remus coughed loudly.

"Well Mother, I think we best be getting on the train now. We don't want all the good seats going DO WE?"

Sirius and James' gazes snapped back to Remus, and then to Rhea.

"What?" said James. "Yes, oh. Well, Mrs Lupin it was lovely seeing you…"

Rhea blinked. At the back of her mind, she was barely conscious that her cigarette had fallen from her fingers. Everything had stopped, had gone grey, had grown bitterly cold. The wind blew in from behind the children and catching their hair and robes, but nobody moved an inch. Everyone around them faded and dissolved, and the five children stood alone all staring at her.

Then the floor of the platform started to shake. Rhea looked around her, but Remus and his friends seemed unconcerned and continued to gaze at her. Then behind them a tree pushed its way out of the concrete. It grew at an alarming rate, but when it unfolded its arms it stood as still and as looming as though it had always be there. It was not a tree of beauty or virtue or life. It was twisted, old, corrupted. And then Rhea saw in its depths: a movement. And it was more terrifying then anything she had ever witnessed. A serpent was there, winding its way down its branches. It looked at Rhea, and she shuddered with cold.

Both Lily and Peter turned it and began to approach it. Rhea wanted to call out to them, to run forwards and pull them away from it because she knew it was evil. But she could only watch in awed silence as they approached the tree. Peter spoke to the serpent, something Rhea could not catch. The boy picked up a staff and a lantern, and pulled the hood of his robes up so it covered his face. Rhea thought that Peter now turned to look back at her, that he was trying to speak to her, but the hood shadowed his eyes and no sound reached her ears. Silence hung heavy, it pulsed as though it lived and breathed. Peter turned back and nodded once to the serpent, unhooked some rope from a branch, and then proceeded to wind it around one of his feet.

Rhea was then distracted by Sirius, who picked up a sword in his left hand and some weighing scales with his right. He held them up aloft for Rhea to see. Peter yanked on the rope now attached to his foot, hoisting him up and leaving him to dangle upside down from a bow. Sirius gazed at Rhea, his face a picture of fear as he slowly dropped his sword and his scales and fell backwards against the ground.

Again, Rhea wanted to call out, to run forwards, terrified for Sirius as he lay there on the ground staring up blankly as though he couldn't see. Next to him James caught her eye, and he staggered forwards as though pain. His face was determined, his hands out-stretched as he blindly tried to grasp at something. But before Rhea's eyes she saw hope leave him, and then slowly he sunk, face down, to the ground. Ten swords stuck out of his back and the blood poured from him, and that deep burgundy colour seemed to seep into everything around Rhea.

Her gaze moved to Lily, who was still standing by the tree. The girl took another line of rope, and Rhea watched in horror as the girl began to thread the rope around her neck and pull herself up. Rhea barely registered as Remus dropped five golden goblets, even though the sound of their clattering to the ground cut through the terrible silence and seemed to pound at her scull. All her concentration was fixed on Lily, as she slowly pulled herself to hanging, tears running down her pale cheeks. The girl did not kick though, she didn't even fight for breath. Then all around her small tablets with runes carved into them fell from the tree. This seemed to anger the serpent, but try as he might to stop them they continued to fall around Lily until they piled so high that the obscured her completely from sight.

The serpent twirled and wound its way around the branches, it's hissing as shrill as screams. Peter let go of his staff and lamp, and Rhea saw him hold his hands behind his back before the lamp smashed to the ground, plunging the platform into darkness. All was black and empty. Rhea looked around her, and felt her fear graduate to a new high. Where was Remus? What had happened to her Remus? Where had he gone? Her breath was catching painfully in her chest and she flailed around sightlessly in search for her son.

Then finally there was a light, a soft light that hung above her, and she saw him not so far away. Rhea was gasping, and clutched her side in relief. She thanked the heavens for the light, so terrified had she been that she would never see her son again. But the relief was short-lived. Remus looked at her and it was a different Remus to the one she knew. For although all his features were the same- his hair, his shoulders, his stance- all the same; his eyes were lacking. Their depths that had held so much laughter, so much energy and hope were now totally void. Rhea felt tears sliding down her cheeks at the sight.

He broke her gaze and looked up into the sky, and Rhea realised with increasing dread what the light she had been so grateful for was that of the moon. Before her eyes her son changed from a man into the dreaded wolf, and he clawed and bit himself. Rhea was screaming now, fully crying, sobbing, but there was nothing she could do as the wolf launched itself forwards and began to run away. Although Rhea did not move, no matter how far and long the wolf ran, he was always in sight. And she felt the wolf's confusion and fear and anger as he continued to run, for what felt like years.

Just when she thought she couldn't take it any more, she saw it in there in the distance. Lit clear and pale by the moon, two pillars that stood strong and sure, and she knew that was where the wolf _must_ go. She tried to call out to the wolf, but she had no voice to tell him. Soon she gave up, and began to will it with all her might. _Go to the pillars, please, you have to pass through those pillars_. But the wolf didn't hear her, and he kept on running. _Please! You must go through those pillars,_ Rhea cried out in her head, until she could feel the blood pumping through her head and bells ringing in her ears with the effort. _Go through the pillars..._

"Mother! Mother, please wake up!"

Rhea opened her eyes to see Remus looking at her with his amber eyes, his hands bracing her arms- almost restraining her. She looked around shakily, and saw James, Sirius, Peter and Lily all staring down at her, worry etched into their faces. Staring. They were all staring at her.

"It's alright Mother, I'm here."

"Remus!" said Rhea with some difficulty.

"Shh Mother, you've just fainted." Cooed Remus as he saw panic light her eyes.

"Remus, you have to pass through the pillars."

Remus glanced back nervously at his friends. They seemed nonplussed. He broke his hold to stroke her hair.

"Mother, we need to get you home."

"No Remus! Promise me! When you come to the void, look for two pillars." Rhea felt her voice grow more steady. She had to tell him. She had to make him understand. "The moon will light them, and you _must go through_. You must pass through the pillars. Promise me, Remus!"

Remus eyes watched her searchingly. Then he nodded. "I promise."

Rhea smiled and reached up to Remus. "It will all be ok, Remus."

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Author's Note: Well there you go. I hope to be updating soon. Please do review, I would love to hear what you think. And ten points if anyone can guess what book Sirius quoted from!


	2. The Journey Begins

Disclaimer: All belong to JK. (Except Bertie. He's mine! But he exists in her word- so technically he's hers as well. Oh dash.)

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**The Journey Begins**

Remus slid the trunk half-heartedly into the luggage compartment, but he couldn't say he was particularly concentrating on it. He couldn't really say he had any knowledge of anything around him, so it was a shock when he realised someone was standing right next to him.

"Is it true Lupin?" said a quiet taunting voice. "Your own mother would rather be unconscious than be in your company?"

Remus jerked into awareness, and then took a couple of steps back to see Snape smiling at him with his black eyes. Remus took a breath to steady him self and tried to walk around Snape to pass him. Snape stepped in front of him, blocking the way.

"Excuse me Severus." Said Remus patiently.

Snape surveyed him coolly. "At least, I would have thought she would have gotten used to the smell by now. But apparently it's so pronounced that desensitisation is impossible."

"Thank you. Now will you just let me past?" said Remus, trying to keep his voice calm.

"You know what I think? It's not you at all. I think she's just damn insane. How long has she been having these… episodes for Lupin?"

Remus couldn't quite keep the panic from showing in his eyes.

"Ah." Said Snape, sensing triumph. "She's being doing that for quite a while now. Quite violent these attacks aren't they? I saw her, thrashing around. And now you've left her. All alone. No one to cover for her. _I saw you absorbing that magic._"

Remus stayed as still as possible. He couldn't think of anything to say. Dread began to push down on him.

"Your _friends_ don't even know, do they?" said Snape delightfully. "Oh now, come Lupin, are you really that ashamed of your own flesh and blood?"

"_No_." Remus breathed.

"Yes. Yes you are. Because they _will_ lock her up in St Mungos as soon as they find out how bad it is. Having an episode in a train station is one thing, but if she can't control herself she maybe a danger to herself and the wizarding community."

"She's not a danger to anybody."

"Really." It wasn't a question. "It was clever work, Remus, you're obviously well practised. So those thick-sculled Gryffindor friends of yours didn't notice this time. But then they never were so observant were they? What if that magic leapt out and hurt someone. Or what if she had a fit in front of Muggles? Someone's bound to find out sooner or later. It would be only right to inform the relevant authorities before it gets out of hand."

"No. Severus, please drop it. She's not going to hurt anyone."

A smile touched Snape's thin lips.

"You want me to drop it?"

Remus nodded.

"Are you sure Lupin?"

Remus stared at him, slowly comprehending.

"What do you want?"

Snape's smile widened. "Good, Lupin. You catch up fast. For one thing, you can keep your idiotic friends off my back. I've had it up to here with their stupid pranks and their strutting around. And secondly-"

They both looked up as they heard the carriage door open.

"This isn't over, Lupin." Said Severus quickly.

"Remus? You ok?"

Bertie Pettigrew was walking down the isle. Remus glanced at the floor nervously.

"See you around Lupin." Said Snape, and he turned and exited the carriage in the other direction.

"You alright? What was that snake saying to you?" said Bertie suspiciously as he took in Remus' paleness.

"Nothing," muttered Remus, grabbing his bag and pulling it over his shoulder. "Just the usual insults."

Bertie nodded, seeming satisfied. "Shall we go and find that brother of mine?"

"We're two carriages down." Said Remus, pleased to find his voice was sounding more relaxed. "If you come now, there might be a pumpkin pasty in it for you."

"Sweet!" said Bertie, and he pushed Remus towards the exit. "So how was your holiday Remus? How's your mother? I heard she had a nasty turn on the platform."

"She's fine," said Remus. "Maybe she had some nuts or something. She's allergic you know."

Inwardly Remus kicked himself. Why couldn't he have said that to Snape?

"Allergic to nuts? All nuts? That's the saddest thing ever! What about cashew nuts, or hazel nuts, or walnuts or- do you know, I've never understood why walnuts is just one word and all the other nuts are two. Who decided that? Wait a minute. Peanuts. That's one word too."

"Peanuts aren't a nut."

"Peanuts aren't a nut? What kind of twisted Salazar logic is that? They're called nuts. What do you mean they're not a nut?"

Remus smiled and pulled open the compartment door. James, Sirius and Peter sat with mounds of sweets and baked goods piled up around them.

"They're a pulse, Bertie. You know, like peas, legumes, mange tout."

"Bugger off they're like peas, I bloody hate peas. Wotcha boys!"

"Ho Bertie!" cried James. "Pasty?"

He threw one too Bertie regardless of the answer and Bertie caught it deftly. James frowned and grumbled to himself.

"You can keep on trying James my lad but you won't catch me off guard in a million years. Hufflepuff are going to take the cup this year for sure!"

Sirius snorted, handing a pasty to Remus as he sat down beside him and pulled out a book. "As if. I'll grant that you're an ok seeker, but the rest of your team are the pits. I'm going to have them so bruised that they won't even know what a broom is by the end the match."

"Promises, promises." Said Bertie, unconcerned. "We'll be getting new beaters this year. There's bound to be someone who can give even you a run for your money. Here Pete, you forgot your inks. I grabbed them before we flooed."

"Thanks Bertie!" Peter squeeked, grabbing them and pushing them into his bag. "I hope I haven't forgotten anything else."

"Here's your quills, your alarm clock, your chess pawn, your exploding snap cards-"

Peter blushed as Bertie passed him the items out of his bag one by one.

"One chocolate frog; three dungbombs – have I taught you nothing Pete, always keep them in your pocket for emergencies- and ah ha! The pièce de résistance: your diary."

"Hey!"

Bertie kept that just out of reach of Peter, who went to grab it.

"It makes for quite interesting reading little brother. Who are these imaginary friends you keep on talking about? Who's this Moony fellow? Bit of a strange name if you ask me. Even worse than Padfoot and Prongs."

Peter blanched, and made a scrambled attempt to seize the book, unsuccessfully. Bertie stood up just out of reach and flicked the book open and began to read.

"_21__st__ August, 1975_

_I keep on wanting to eat cheese. Moony says it's psychosomatic._"

"Dammit Bertie!" cried Peter.

"You wanna eat cheese Pete? O wo is me!" laughed Bertie, and he continued. _"When he said it to me I thought I was going to die,_" Birtie laughed harder,"_but then I looked it up and it's not even a disease. It means you make something happen by worrying about it or something like that. But I don't think I can have that? Does it really count for me?_"

Peter was almost jumping to get the book, but Bertie stood up taller and shout out the words with glee. James stood to his feet and Sirius pulled out his wand. This was not good.

"_I mean Moony really likes rare meat and Padfoot is so whiny and then there was that time Prongs properly charged head first at that forth year who called him specky. Or was it four-eyes? Or maybe it was just specky four-eyes? I'll have to ask Prongs-"_

"Accio diary." The diary flew into Remus' hand.

Bertie stared at Remus, then shrugged and sat back down into his seat. "Oh Remus, you always spoil all my fun."

Remus shrugged, putting the diary to one side. "I'll see if I can cope with your displeasure." He said dryly, and turned the page in his book. "Diaries are private."

"I think you let old Snapey get your knickers in a twist, mate." Said Bertie, a little bitterly as he picked up his pasty again.

Sirius turned to Remus immediately.

"Snape? What did he say to you?"

Remus sighed and closed his eyes. Better to not glare at Bertie.

"Nothing. I just bumped into him when I was putting my trunk away."

"If he said _anything _to you-"

"It's _fine_. Drop it Sirius."

Sirius nodded and sat back. Then he grinned. "Well it looks like I did have a reason to hex him after all James."

James grinned in reply. "That was brilliant, mate."

Remus looked up. "What did you do?"

Peter laughed. "It definitely was brilliant." He said, turning to Bertie as he explained. "He made Sirius sneeze the words "Snivellus Sucks!". He couldn't say a word. Every time he opened his mouth, once again it was "Snivellus SUCKS". He'll be sneezing it all the way to Hogwarts for sure."

Bertie stood up and gave Sirius a bow. "Ah, you perform wonders for my soul."

"Thank you, good sir." Said Sirius with a salute.

Remus groaned and put his head in his hands. This was going to be harder than he had anticipated.

"Can't you just leave Snape alone? You're only going to aggravate him." Said Remus, trying not to sound to insistent. He knew if he wasn't subtle about this they would start to wonder why he suddenly so much against the idea.

"Ah come on, Remus." Said Sirius. "I haven't been snake bating _all_ summer, I had to let it out sooner or later."

Remus decided this wasn't going to work right now. "Fine." He said, and opened his book again.

Bertie got up. "Well lads, I best be busting a grove. People to be, places to see and all that jazz."

"See you, Bertie." Called Sirius and Peter.

"Bye Bertie!" said James.

The compartment door closed.

James rounded on Peter. "_You keep a diary?_"

"I'm sorry! It was just over the holidays. I got so bored and-"

"You twerp! You wrote stuff about us down for anyone to find? Let me look at that!" said Sirius, pulling it out from beside Remus. He flicked through it in disbelief. "Dammit Wormtail!"

"He can't have seen enough," said Remus, "or he wouldn't have thought it was so funny."

"Hell Peter, do you know what they'll do to us if they find out we're Animagi?" exclaimed James. "And did you have to write "Diary" on the front cover? That's just asking for trouble…"

"Now we definitely can't use those nicknames in public." Said Sirius. "He'll know it's us immediately, and he'll start to wonder. He's damn smart for a Hufflepuff."

"I'm sorry," whispered Peter. "I really didn't think anyone would see it."

There was a pause. Then James clapped him on the back. "Never mind Wormtail. No harm done."

James' forgiveness was all Peter seemed concerned about, and he noticeably relaxed.

Sirius sniggered, and they turned to see him looking through the diary again. "Er Wormtail, don't you think your taking your cheese fetish a bit far? I didn't even know you could spell aphrodisiac."

"Hey!" said Peter, snatching it away. "Those are my personal, serious, philosophical ponderings."

"They're shiny." said Sirius sitting back and opening a chocolate frog.

"As soon as we get to the common room I'm burning it."

"Alas and that will be the last of the serious, philosophical thoughts of Messer Wormtail." Said James, and then ducked as a pumpkin pasty flew in his direction.

The journey continued for a few hours in relative calm for the Marauders. They bickered over Quidditch. James told them about his trip to South Asia where they came across some Roma Muggles "…they actually believe they can see into the future, I went into one of their houses on wheels, it was hilarious…". But Remus wasn't listening for the most of it. He tried rather aimlessly to read. But his head was too caught up in his mother and Snape and how in Merlin's name he was going to get the others to leave Snape alone. It seemed impossible.

Next to him, Sirius squirmed, obviously on edge with the long journey and the approach of term. He wrestled with a few chocolate frogs at once. Several frogs got away, but he managed to keep a most of them stationary by snapping off their legs.

"Hey. Moony. You want a limb?"

Remus took it without looking up from his book. "Thank you."

They ate in silence.

"Want another one?"

"No thank you."

"Ok." There was a pause. "You're angry with me. Aren't you." It wasn't a question.

Remus sighed. "We haven't even reached Hogwarts yet and instantly you're picking fights and making things difficult."

"Oh that." Sirius sniggered. "Just because you're a prefect-"

"And if you bring that up every five seconds I swear I'll whack you one. Merlin knows I'm as much at a loss as to why I've been made a prefect as anyone."

"We're not at a loss." Piped up James. "It makes perfect sense. You're our voice of reason."

"Yeh," agreed Sirius. "you're our conscience, Moony."

"Your our Jiminy Cricket."

They all turned and looked at Peter.

"Who's Jiminy Cricket?" asked Sirius, throwing his chocolate frog wrapper at Peter. Peter flinched as it bounced off his head.

"He's muggle cartoon character-"

"Really? A car-toooon. I've heard of them. A car-tooooon for your conscience? Merlin bless the muggles, they think of everything."

"He's this little insect with a Muggle waste coat and he sings about whistling- oh no." said Peter. "No I think that's some dwarfs. No… wait I'm getting confused."

"Oh come on Wormtail stop being an absolute idiot. Is it crickets or dwarfs that are our conscience?"

Remus slammed his book shut. "Sirius! Will you stop calling Peter an idiot? For Merlin's sake can you not keep from picking on someone for two seconds together?"

No one said anything, stopped in their tracks by Remus' outburst.

Eventually Sirius spoke. "I'm sorry I called you an idiot Wormy."

"That's ok, Pads." Said Peter quietly, who sounded thoroughly confused by the turn of events. "Sometimes I am a bit of an idiot anyway."

Remus looked up and could see they were all looking at him concernedly. Except Sirius, who looked positively like a kicked puppy.

"I'm sorry." said Remus, bending down to get put the book back in his bag. "I over rea-"

But his words were cut short by the train coming to a sudden halt, slamming him head-first into the floor, Sirius landing on top of him.

"You alright Moony?" said Sirius scrambling up quickly.

Remus groaned as he pushed himself up and put his hand to his forehead. It came away sticky and red.

"Merlin, Moony, you're bleeding everywhere." said Sirius, his face a picture of concern as he tilted Remus' head to study the cut.

"What the hell is going on?" said James peering out the window. "Why has the train stopped so early?"

The cabin door opened and Lily and Alice stepped in, looking a little panicked.

"Remus! Are you ok?" Lily exclaimed taking him in.

"I'm fine thank you," said Remus, "It's only bleeding lots because it's a head wound. Sirius has got it covered."

He closed his eyes as Sirius worked on his head with the wand. It was something Sirius had learnt almost as soon as he had learnt of Remus' condition, and it had come in useful several times after transformations.

Healing wounds was an art form, a very specific line of magic. Madame Pomfrey had declared Sirius to be a natural, and although he was far slower and less inficiant than the nurse, he was getting better all the time.

"Do you know what's going on out there?" James asked the girls.

"I'm not sure. I can't be certain." said Alice. Her voice was always floaty and sounded somehow detached from her body. But even this time, it seemed so apt for the atmosphere. "I don't think it's good. I've just got this feeling-"

Remus shivered. Alice 's feelings were rarely wrong. He felt Sirius' fingers curl round his neck as continued to work on the wound, and he lent into the warmth.

"We almost fell over as well out there," said Lily, "We thought we best come in until we were on route again."

"Done." said Sirius quietly. "I think you right Lily, we need to-"

But Sirius' never got to finish that sentence. Although he moved his lips, no sound came out. The whole train dropped into a terrible silence. There wasn't a sound, and the impact was almost deafening. Sirius helped Remus stand up, and reached for Lily and Alice, pulling them further into the cabin. Everyone pulled their wands out, James joining Sirius by the door and they started to trace their wands around the frames.

"_Silencio totalem_," Lily mouthed to Remus, who nodded in agreement. A spell to make large areas and all the people in them silent. It stopped easy communication and more importantly: made it harder to cast spells. The implications were obvious. They were under attack.

James and Sirius worked on the cabin door in unison casting silent defensive spells. Remus brought out a spare piece of parchment and cast a charm on it to make it map out the train. It was a charm similar to that he had learnt while planning the Marauders Map although it didn't show people in live action. It simply recorded their position at the time the spell was cast. He eyes flicked from side to side as scanned down the page, but there weren't any names that stood out of the ordinary. He cast it again. Sirius sat down next to him also began scanning through the names.

And then the answer came.

"_Students of Hogwarts, this is your Saviour, Lord Voldemort speaking._"

* * *

Dear me, that was fun. Do let me know any thoughts. Unbeta'd again, so if you find some mistakes, I appreciate being told! Much love xxx


	3. Quotes and Considerations

Disclaimer: nope, not mine

Author's note: K lovelies I hope you're all having a wonderful new year so far. Just to let you know a couple of things: for the purposes of this plot I have changed the order of events. I know that according to cannon, Sirius leaves his family in the fifth year, but humour me. It is his sixth year and he hasn't left yet. Secondly, to you all you who actually speak french, I don't. Stuck a sentence in a translator and who knows if it's right or not? Hope it's not too offensive. Alright! Without further ado...

* * *

**Quotes and Considerations**

"_Students of Hogwarts, this is your Saviour, Lord Voldemort speaking._"

Sirius froze. Lord Voldemort. This couldn't be happening. His hand felt for Remus' and he grabbed it, squeezing it without thought. Remus looked at him, seeing how pale and still his friend had become. It hurt, the pressure Sirius was applying, but that was ok. It was almost good. Remus felt grounded by it, as though it was affirmation that his own fears were also justified- but that he shouldn't get swallowed in them. There were people here to protect.

Lily was clutching her wand determinedly, but the resolution in her face was some what undermined by the fact that she had instinctively grabbed the closest person to her, James. He was now standing, and had pushed her slightly behind him. He was scanning the room as though it might explode; and was taking slow, controlled breathes while he tried to master his fear. Peter looked like he might faint, gripping his wand shakily. The calmest person in the room was Alice, who seemed to have adopted strength that was almost alien to her usual otherworldly demeanour. She was standing straight and tall, and she lay one hand on Peter, that seemed to calm him.

Sirius seemed to realise he was holding Remus' hand a bit too tightly and glanced at him apologetically. Remus shook his head and gave a small, tight smile. _I'm here_, he mouthed to Sirius.

"_Be not alarmed,_" Lord Voldemort continued. Remus had a horrid thought that the voice was almost calming; high and soft with a comforting rhythm to it. It was not how he had imagined the Dark Lord to sound. "_I mean not to harm you. I have the greatest respect for you, students of Hogwarts, who hold the future of the Wizarding World in your hands._

"_I have come to make you an offer. I am here to give you the facts about what I am trying to accomplish for you. What I would say is not agreeable to all. There are many who are against change, who are too comfortable in their self-indulgent bubble. They would have you believe that my goals are singular, narrow-minded and bigoted. But they are wrong. We are living in a world where we are being stifled, where we are judged, where our true powers our thwarted. It takes great presence of mind to recognise that my ideals are in fact focused, revolutionary and refined. Believe me when I say that I am working towards a greater world. A world where wizards will thrive and fore fill their true potential, for the good of the entire human race._

"_For years we have hidden in the shadows, unable to truly stretch our wings. Are we ashamed of our power? Are we afraid? Who are we afraid of? Muggles? They are nothing compared to us, they are ants and we are giants. The depression is upon us, students of Hogwarts; and the Ministry insists on hiding behind archaic laws that are no longer relevant or necessary. _

"_Join me, and we will rebuild our world so that it is fit for you to enter as adult wizards and witches. Join me, and we can halt the perversions and deviations that threaten our magical bloodlines. Join me, and you will graduate into a world where you receive the respect and the reverence that your superior ability, intellect and potential demands._"

Remus let out a breath that would have been shuddering if it could benefit from sound. Sirius if anything tightened his hold on Remus, his knuckles turning white with the pressure. Remus could feel the boy's body start to shake next to him. He wanted to lay his other hand on his, or wrap an arm around Sirius, but he needed it to keep hold on his wand.

_"We need to progress to the next level, progress demands that we are not static. And with that must come change. Change is always hard, my friends. It does not come lightly, and it is not without sacrifice. We must sieve through the dirt to find the gold. But remember, every sacrifice is integral. Those lost are not forgotten. Everything is done with the bigger picture in mind._

"_I am a patient Lord. I do not expect you to make decisions beyond your means or your understanding. I am giving you the time you will need to come to terms with what I am offering. I am not asking children to become soldiers. I am coming to you today to let you know that there is a choice, and your decision should be informed. I am lying down the truths that they would have you believe are above your understanding. I know better. _

_Consider your options; evaluate your loyalties; reflect on your prospects. I have faith that you will know the best thing for all of us. I am leaving it in your hands, you, the future of the Wizarding World. Together, I believe that we can wash the world clean._"

The silence stretched out for less than a minute and then sound recommenced, and it was rough and course and felt foreign to their ears after the tranquil timbre of Lord Voldemort's articulate delivery. They all looked around them.

"Has he gone?" asked Lily, her voice small and shaky.

As though in answer, the train began to move again. It was as though every student on the train let out a collective sigh of relief.

Only Remus saw it coming before it happened, and he transfigured a cup into a bucket. Sirius threw up.

* * *

Sirius had been quiet on the train, but as soon as he got off he looked as though he had recovered. He hexed two Slytherins so that they could get a better thestral carriage, and then took on the task of single-handedly rallying everyone's spirits with raucous jokes and an attempted wrestle with James. James soon joined in, followed by Peter. Remus kept quiet, this wasn't his forte anyway.

The welcoming feast was the most subdued that they could remember. Dumbledore had given a speech about free will and embracing diversity, and for now it had seemed to inject a soothing calm into Hogwarts.

_But it's only numbing the pain, it hasn't gotten rid of it_, thought Remus bitterly. _None of it is real; it's the calm before the storm_.

After the feast was over, all the students trailed into their common rooms tiredly. Remus didn't miss that Sirius climbed into his bed almost immediately, drawing the curtains tight around him without so much as a goodnight. Peter was talking aimlessly with James, who seemed to understand that the boy needed to keep his mind busy until he was too tired to think.

"Fancy joining us for a night-time game of gob-stones?" James asked Remus, as he climbed into Peter's bed with his set.

"I think I'll just complete some reading I have to do, thank you." Said Remus.

"You always have some reading to do," said Peter, but it was more a statement than a criticism.

They started their game, and Remus curled up on his bed. He opened the book for a while, but the words may as well have been written in Greek. Beyond his book lay Sirius, his curtains pulled tight as though to shield him from the world. Remus held up his hand in front of him, studying the faint bruises that ran over his knuckles where Sirius had gripped him so hard. _You can fool all of them, Sirius, _thought Remus, _but you can hardly fool me._

There was no point trying to read. Sighing, Remus closed his eyes and he fell asleep, where a soft, high, faceless voice beckoned.

* * *

"Oh Merlin's porridge, where the hell is my green ink?" James stood with his trunk upturned, standing in a small mountain that consisted of robes, books, inks, parchments, picture frames, galleons, an owl cage, a miniature broom with some miniature figurines that were fighting over it, dungbombs, a bag of chocolate frogs, two and a half chess sets and a teddy bear with one ear.

Remus and Peter stared in shock as he waded through the mess trying to extract the lost item.

"Maybe it's in my other trunk..." said James.

"Your _other _trunk?" exclaimed Peter whilst brushing his teeth.

"Or did I leave it at home?" he said as he hefted out the second trunk from under his bed.

"What's wrong with black ink?"

"Don't be silly, Wormy, Lily doesn't have black eyes." Said James.

"Ah." said Peter, nodding as though that was all the explanation necessary.

James yelled and pulled out his hand from his trunk as though he'd been bitten. The trunk shook a bit, the something that looked suspiciously like a garden gnome climbed out of the trunk and ran out the room.

"You put it in your cabinet last night." said Remus pulling on his shirt. "Oi, Padfoot! Get up, it's time to go to breakfast!"

"_In my cabinet- _Moony you're a genius!" James held up the ink in celebration. "How do you always know? How does he always know?" he said turning to Peter.

"Beats me," said Peter, spitting out his toothpaste into a nearby plant pot. "I can't keep track of my stuff, let alone yours."

"You were putting away your hair products and I saw you stick it there with them without noticing. Sirius! Get up!" he said kicking the bed.

"Hmmm. Hey, check this out Moony. It's _correction_ ink! It can tell if what you're writing is incorrect and turns blue- oh yeh. And I managed to get in the best colour in the world. Ha ha! This baby is going to save me so much fear when it gets to the end of year exams."

"Ooo can I have some too?" asked Peter.

"Everyone is welcome!" said James.

"It'll never work." sang Remus.

"Why not?"

"The parchment in examinations is charmed to be resistant to inks that contain magic. It wouldn't even stick on the page." said Remus, he wobbled and almost fell over as he pulled on a shoe and bang against Sirius' bedpost at the same time.

"Oh well." said James, and he slung it into his bag anyway. "I'm sure it will come in useful. Oi Pads, stop ignoring Moony and get the buggery up!" He slung the curtains open and felt the sensation of a spell being broken. Sirius sat up out of bed, blinking blearily at them. His hair stood out in all directions, the covers in a tangled mess around his feet.

"Why did you have a silencing spell up Padfoot?" said Remus, sitting on the foot of Sirius' bed and pulling on his other shoe.

Sirius pulled a hand over his face as though to wipe off his sleep and then looked up and grinned. "Why do you think I put up a silencing charm Remus my love?"

Remus blushed and held up his hand. "No more Sirius, I'm sorry I asked."

"Do you want to know what happens when I close those curtains? Shall we have _the talk_, my dear Moony?" said Sirius putting a fatherly hand on Remus' shoulder.

"Wormtaaaail!" whined Remus. "Padfoot's trying to scar me for life!"

Peter looked up distractedly from his bag. "Your hair looks stupid Padfoot."

Sirius sprang out of bed and ran to the bathroom.

"My hero." said Remus.

Peter winked.

* * *

_Dear Lily,_

_It's only the start of the year. You could transfer away from there. It's not too late. Remember how good you were at art and maths and history? You could still do all of that. I don't want you getting hurt. That wizard came to your train- don't you see how insane that is? You said it would be safe as long as you were in that school's care, but obviously you've misjudged them. Just leave and come back._

_David and I are going to the cinema tomorrow, I've found a lilac dress that will perfectly match my complexion. He hasn't told me what we're watching, but I'm not particularly bothered. You know, he was asking me all kinds of questions about you, and I'll have you know it's pretty tricky keeping track of the lies I tell about where you went. He must think it's so strange that I talk of you all the time and then I go so vague. I think I'm going to have to right down a list so that I can keep track. Couldn't you make up some things that you might be doing so that I have some lies set in real time? Of course, you could just come back, save me even more trouble._

_Ok, I have to go, Mum's shouting that I'm late._

_Please be careful,_

_Love, Petunia_

_p.s If you send another bird after me again to bug me for a reply I swear it will you be on your head if the next letter comes accompanied by plucked duck._

* * *

"I mean how exactly do they expect to motivate us with History of Magic as our first lesson?' cried Peter flopping down and allowing his head to hit the desk. James grinned and slid next to Remus on his desk.

The students that filed in after them all seemed to share their sentiment. The only one who looked vaguely interested was Alice, but she looked vaguely interested about everything. It was hard to tell.

"How will it help me when I come of age, that's what I want to know," Peter continued.

"Now now Pete, what's wrong?" Sirius said, giving him a small shove so that he could sit next to him. Peter acquiesced, by flopping back and slumping in his chair. "I can't help but pick up the slightest dis-enchanted nuance in your turn of phrase…"

James grinned at Lily as he and Remus passed to take their seats behind their fellow marauders. Lily stoutly ignored him, opening her book and settling her gaze to the front of the class.

"One day." said Remus, laying a consoling hand on James' shoulder.

"Ugh! I can't do it Sirius. I'll never be able to cope with a whole other year!"

"No? Fair enough." said Sirius, dropping his bag. He smiled at Peter, then leant back and put his feet on the table. "Don't then."

Peter's eyes widened. _Putting his feet up? On the desk? In class? Had the world gone mad?!? _Sure enough an indignant voice sounded to their left.

"Black! What are you doing?" hissed Lily.

Sirius turned to face her with as little effort as possible, and then gave her a lazy smile. "I would have thought that would have been obvious, Evans. What, pray, are you doing?"

"For heaven's sake, how can you be so disrespectful-"

"To what Evans?" Sirius turned more directly to meet her. "Disrespectful too history? Tosh. For what else can history teach us? Why, only the vanity of believing we can impose our theories on history: Any philosophy which asserts that human experience repeats itself is ineffectual. Therefore, I am merely following through."

Remus tried rather unsuccessfully to hold back a snigger. James arched a brow at him.

"Jacques Ellul," Remus whispered, "a Muggle philosopher."

James nodded, but looked none the wiser.

"Black, it's a lesson-"

"Yes well, if history teaches any lesson at all, it is that there are no historical lessons." Sirius corrected smugly.

"Ha!" This time Remus couldn't contain his outright laugh. Lily glared at him.

"What? It's Lucien Febvre." Said Remus. "Quotes game- you know… you have to admit, they were pretty good. Very… apt?..." He trailed off weakly. Sirius beamed at Remus.

Lily threw her hands up and turned back to Sirius. "Whatever. The point is I won't be able to see with your feet up like that! Please, Black, put them down."

James leant forward and tapped Sirius on the shoulder.

"Yeah, come on mate, that's not on."

For a second, Sirius looked as though he might be angry. Then he grinned and stood up.

"Don't like it, _mate_? You sit here then. James looked from Sirius to Lily and then back to Sirius again.

"Ok."

They started swapping seats.

"Potter!" hissed Lily, "That's hardly helping, he's just going to do it in another place."

James shrugged and continued.

"Yes, but will I be in your way?" Sirius asked, a bit too sweetly for real sincerity. At the back of the classroom he certainly wouldn't be obstructing anyone's vision. Sirius shifted so that he could place his feet once again on the desk, careful not to knock over Remus' ink.

Lily narrowed her eyes and turned again to the front of the classroom. "It'll be in my line of sight. It'll be distracting," she muttered, but it was rather resigned.

"You're a knob, you know that?" whispered Remus.

"I know." Sirius replied happily.

Professor Binns floated in and began droning immediately, a monotone drawl that left student scrabbling in an attempt to take any information. Those who didn't tune in were like to miss everything, Binns took no prisoners. "Welcome back, students, I trust you are all well. This month we will be going into greater depths into the 1289 founding of the International Warlock Convention. Black, put your feet down, thank you. As you will remember we studied this briefly in the second year, but there are some interesting variables…"

Even Sirius wasn't quite cocky enough to ignore a direct order from his teacher. He changed positions so that he was leaning forwards on his elbows and peering over Remus' neat precise writing.

"Not helpful, Sirius," said Remus, frantically trying to keep pace.

"…we can trace this back as a primary source when we note the description penned by Marcus Bubblewhump, a clerk hand in the 11th century- turn to page 45 in your books- regarding what was knowen as "_Le Catalogue de Magie Ordinairement Utilisée Qu'est Considéré bon mais Devrait Être Interdit Parce Que C'est Trop Dangereux_". Here Bubblewhump outlines…"

"You take _so_ many notes." whispered Sirius.

"Some of us don't have the advantage of your photographic memory Sirius."

"Who cares? History. Blugh. It's just one damned thing after the other."

"Arnold Toynbee." Remus muttered, a small smile rebelling on his lips.

"Ah Remus, I can never get one past you." Sirius took the quill from Remus' fingers. "Stop writing, I'll tell you all about it later. Photographic memory, remember?"

Remus tried to frown, but it was quite tricky when Sirius looked at him like that. He settled for holding out his hand expectantly. "If I do it now, I won't have to do it later, will I? Give me back my quill Sirius."

Sirius just looked at Remus as though truly baffled by the gesture. Remus sighed and went to snatch the quill, but Sirius deftly caught his hand instead. He held it in both his hands, staring down at it as though it was something precious. The bruises that Sirius had made around his knuckles were had now bloomed, and Remus almost felt embarrassed as his friend looked at them. He was certainly too taken off guard to know how to react. He glanced at their Professor. Binns was still talking without pause, now in his stride and oblivious to his surroundings.

Sirius raised his eyes to Remus, and to Remus' horror he felt his breath catch. Sirius' eyes visibly darkened, and he ran a calloused thumb over Remus' knuckles. Sensation shot through Remus' body and he felt himself flinch. Sirius' gaze remained intense, but they seemed to now be lit with triumph. Remus blushed. Somehow, just the smallest touch felt so incredibly intimate that it felt indecent to be done in public. He glanced around nervously, needing to find a way to escape. A smile touched Sirius' lips, and he ran his thumb over his knuckles once more, watching as the boy shuddered noticeably under his touch. Then he placed Remus' hand on the table, and put the quill next to it.

Remus stared at his hand as though it was a completely alien entity to him. He couldn't describe the feelings that were shooting through him now, the tingling sensation in his hand and the awareness that lingered in his body. He stole a glance at Sirius. The raven-haired boy had now taken out his quill and stared diligently to the front of the classroom as though nothing had happened. Remus felt himself exhale audibly. He couldn't look at Sirius for the rest of the lesson.

* * *

Author's Note: Also a little hey ho to JacksonFrost and FelicityGreyson. Thanks for the encouragement guys, you win. To everyone who's considerin reviewing but aren't sure, consider that for this chapter I will be replying to all reviews in rhyming couplets. Come on! Who can resist?...


	4. Stillness is the Move

Disclaimer: Lily is not mine, James is not mine, Peter is not mine, Snape is not mine.

Remus is not mine, Sirius is not mine (*sigh).

Fen is mine but she is contained in a world that is not mine.

So pretty much nothing's mine coo coo ca choo.

* * *

**Stillness is the Move**

It is not quite late enough yet that the library has reached the point where Lily can concentrate properly. Just gone eight, and yet it is still buzzing with the lowered voices, rustling of papers and scratching of quills. Normally, Lily would be quite happy to continue right through to curfew, but this evening she already feels totally drained. Her books are piled around her and she thought she had been thorough with her notes. But when she stares at her numbers they still don't make sense, the Arithmancy calculations still manage to blur into a meaningless mass. Sighing, she pulls her parchment towards her and tries to go through them again.

After what seems like an age, she checks her watch. Eight fifteen.

"Ugh!" Lily groans, and allows her head to slam down onto the desk.

"Easy Evans, you'll damage that clever brain of yours."

Resigned, Lily looked up at Potter who was leaning casually against his broomstick. His hair was a total mess and there was a smudge of mud on his left cheek, he obviously had just come from a quidditch session.

Lily blinked tiredly and stared back down at her parchment. "Go away Potter," she said half-heartedly. "I'm trying to tackle my homework."

"Normally people use the word "tackle" figuratively in context with homework, but I can see you've taken it to literally mean head-on. Don't mind me." Potter grinned and pulled out a chair next to her.

"I do mind actually," Lily clipped, rubbing her head.

"You'll get over it." Potter muttered and pulled her work over so he could scan it. and she watched him count things off mentally in his mind. He frowned.

Lily leaned on her elbow. "Fine," she said. "We've established that I'm a complete dunce with figures, now can I-"

He held a hand up and interrupted her. "Ok, I can see your problem."

"Who said I wanted your help?" asked Lily cooly.

Potter flicked his eyes to her, but then looked at his quill that he began to twirl in his fingers. "Oh come on Evans, you hit a brick wall, I could see that a mile off. What's wrong with-"

"I don't like shortcuts. I'm not so thick that I can't figure it out for myself. Thank you." Lily pulled her parchment back and stared at it again.

It took perhaps ten seconds, but finally Potter sighed and got up.

"Sorry if I insulted your intelligence, it wasn't intended. See you around, Evans."

Lily sighed. She cast her eyes down her work. It still looked like rubbish. She bit her lip. Damn her stupid pride. Who was she kidding? She was never going to work it out on her own. She hated to admit it, but perhaps Potter wasn't being just a arrogant, self-satisfied git like usual. His apology sounded genuine enough.

Lily dragged a hand over her face. She had to admit that she had been unnecessarily rude. She really had needed help and he was offering to give it to her, he was trying to encourage her. It was time she buried her pride and let him in.

He was almost at the door when she caught up to him. He turned quite sharply when she placed a hand on his arm, obviously jumping from the sudden contact and causing Lily to walk right into him. She shifted back a couple of steps, very aware of their difference in height. Potter's eyebrows raised.

"Evans?"

Great, he was going to make it hard on her. She sighed. It was just as she deserved.

"I'm sorry Potter." Lily didn't quite look in his eyes. She suddenly felt incredibly embarrassed. "I know you were only trying to help, I shouldn't have-"

"Excellent, lets do some Arithmancy." Said Potter, grinning as he interrupted the beginnings of her rambling. Then he was turning her around and steering her back towards her desk.

"Get off me Potter, there's no need to grope." Said Lily shrugging him off, but she couldn't quite contain her smile.

"Ha! I need every chance I can get. Ok." he said, pulling his chair closer to her so that they could both look at her parchment. Lily could the warmth of his skin and had to resist to not lean into it. It was harder than she expected. "This is mostly good, the problem here is actually pretty elementary. I think what has happened is that you've become too caught up in the social numbers, but really it's the most basic character numbers that need to come into play. If you factor in the rule of two against sevens with a fifty percent application, it should flatten out the kinks."

He looked at Lily expectedly. Lily cocked her head. Did he really expect her to get it from that? She raised her eyebrows. Potter raised them back. Lily almost laughed again.

"Yep. I don't have a clue what you're talking about."

"Oh." Said Potter. And he slumped back a little. "Which bit don't you get?"

'The bit where you spoke." Muttered Lily, then she looked up at him again. "Ok. Why use character numbers instead of the social numbers? This is social interaction."

"Ah, but even though it has lots of people working together, you can't class it as a social situation. It only works in that direction when we are relaxed enough to keep up the pretences we have for general activity, when we have time to guard our actions." He held up his hand, and pointed to the paper. "This is combat, and therefore we use character numbers, because you have to factor in core personality."

Lily nodded slowly. "Ok, I follow you so far, but why do you have to find the ratio of twos against sevens?"

"Ok." said James, grabbing a piece of parchment and scribbling down some new numbers. "For example: Sirius and I both have the character number of 7. When me and Sirius sink our teeth into something, we're of one mind. We're unstoppable. That's important to know you have back up drive when you're relying on instinct. If these figure's just involved 7's whatever the outcome, you know that the route of progress would be steady and straight, nothing to influence it or to bring it off route."

He glanced at Lily, but she was concentrating intently so he went on.

"So, say Sirius and I are in the Great Hall on our own and we want to mess with the food. Say we want to charm the Slytherin's food to disappear. We could do that. But say and you came across us As a number two you're good a communication and creativity, so you would likely think up a scheme with a similar or more effective out come, like… I don't know-

"I'd charm the food to run away from the Slytherin's fork every time it came close."

James grinned. "Indeed, like that. Same effect with more panache. Actually that's not half a bad idea. I'll suggest it to Sirius tonight."

Lily glared at him.

"But," he added quickly, "2's are naturally double minded. As can be seen here; you come up with the fabulous idea of making the food run away from the Slytherins, but at the same time you would be against it should we actually try it out. You might tell a professor about it, or stop us even before you try it. The effect of 2's on 7's is that there is a likelihood of increased productivity or nullification. Either way the 2 isn't going to be passive when in conjunction with a 7. So you have to work out the possibility that a 2 will come in contact with the 7 then use a 50% probability in either direction when applying it to the scenario. You see?"

"So basically," said Lily slowly, "The problem here is will I let you charm the Slytherin's breakfast or not, right?"

Potter nodded solemnly. "Work out that probability, and you have a recipe for success."

"Huh." Said Lily. She looked at her equations on the table. She scratched a couple of notes and did some quick calculations. She put down her quill. "Huh," she said again. "It works."

She looked up to see Potter gazing at her intently. He smiled. "See, not so bad."

Lily turned back to her parchment to hide her blush. She laughed in an attempt to hide her sudden nervousness. "You're unbelievable."

"What? Why? What have I done?"

Lily laughed even more at the panic in Potter's voice. "It's just- I've been looking at that all evening. And then you turn up with a stupid pranks-analogy and I get it. Is this how you're mind always works? Just applying pranks onto everything else so that you understand it?"

Potter nodded. "Kind of. I tend to use analogies to help me remember most things."

"Huh. Does Black do that as well?"

"Nope, he has a photographic memory, he doesn't have to make paths for his memory to work."

"Really? But he doesn't do as well as you in class."

Potter's expression darkened somewhat and he started twiddling with his quill again. "Yeh well. That's on purpose."

"To what end?"

Potter regarded her carefully. "Because his family would never forgive him for doing well in Gryffindor. He always stays two steps behind so that he doesn't get any commendations or notes back to his family."

"Oh." Said Lily quietly. "In that case, why does he try at all?"

"They wouldn't forgive him for being idle either. He's got it down to a fine art, I reckon. He never does bad enough or well enough to rile them either way."

Lily was taken aback. She had never given much thought to Black's family. She knew they were meant to be prestigious and feared. But did they really hate Gryffindors that much to hold it against their own son? Black always acted like he hadn't a care in the world. He had always come across to her as insincere and arrogant, with his sharp wit and his good looks and seeming disregard for the feelings of others. It was strange for her to consider that he was as human as the rest of them.

"What would they do if he did?"

James didn't say much for a while, apparently to interested in the quill in his fingers. Then he glanced up at her and grinned. "Well he's never pushed them that far, so we wouldn't know. Hey, Evans, you want to go to Hogsmeade with me this Saturday?"

Lily nodded to herself in thought. James had changed the subject when she had felt awkward earlier, it was only courteous she allowed the same here. She glanced up at him and saw his eyes wide and realised it looked like she had agreed to his date. She burst into laughter, earning a glare from Madame Pince.

"No, Potter." She said, once she calmed herself down. James looked disappointed but only mildly so. He must be getting used to her saying no by now. She started rolling up her parchment and collecting up her things. "I'm going back to the common room. You coming?"

James smiled a half smile at her and got up. "Sure." He grabbed some of her heavier books and picked up his broom.

"You don't have to take those-"

"Come on, Evans. A gentleman never lets a lady carry all her heavy books and stuff like that."

"I was going to cast a lightening charm on them."

"Don't I look more chivalrous this way."

"Potter, you could never look chivalrous with that hair."

"What are you talking about? My hair is the epitome of dignified masculinity!"

They left the library bickering happily. Neither of them had noticed Snape watching them. Neither knew that his hands shook as he stuffed his books into his bag, or that he almost felt sick with disgust. Lily hated Potter. He had at least known that much. Or he had thought he'd known. He almost knocked over a second year as he headed out the library and he hardly noticed or cared.

That was fine. Potter think he had a good hand, but Snape still had an ace up his sleeve. He just had to think this through. It was about time he had another word with Lupin.

"The Singing Nettles are all out of tune, The Crab Eye's are going blind, The Five Finger Grass has all been de-gloved, and all my Milkwart has gone sour. And what is the most common reason that all these herbs could be effected like this?"

Remus huffed in frustration. So that was why she'd called them to her office. Professor Fen stopped her pacing in front of the marauders and wheeled on him, her tiny black eyes glittering in her old gnarled face.

"Mr Lupin, you seem to have the answer."

"A garden gnome, Professor."

"Thank you Mr Lupin. A garden gnome of most mischievous proportions. I have never come across one so bent on destruction! And so odd that there should be one in the castle grounds, when there are wards on the borders to keep them from sensing the castle. I have only one conclusion to draw. Deliberate sabotage."

Remus felt Sirius sniggering next to him.

"Sirius Black! Do you really think this is funny?"

"No, Professor." Said Sirius, although his claim was somewhat made null by the fact that he was still laughing.

"It seems you do. Kindly, explain yourself."

"Well, I think you're taking it a bit far. I hardly call it sabotage." said Sirius, a little more collected now. He was holding himself straighter, his aristocracy becoming more obvious in his pose.

"I call it _sabotage_ Mr Black! It is _sabotage_ in the truest sense of the word. This gnome is the sabot and you boys are the Dutch! Can you really say that nothing has been damaged here, that there hasn't been destruction? Is all untouched and perfect and pristine? No! Sabotage!"

"It's only sabotage if there is intention to destroy behind it. It probably got in to the castle by mistake." Sirius ground through his teeth.

Professor Fen stood close to him, still managing to look down her nose at him even though he was a good foot higher. The effect might have been comical if Remus wasn't so concerned that Sirius was pushing the professor to far.

"Don't get clever with me, Black. No one likes a smart-arse, not me, not any of the other tutors. I know you were the ones who did it. I'm sure you thought no one would trace it back to you, but think again. I'm a professional herbologist, I can tell a Blue Gnome from a regular one. I'm sure you didn't even consider it. I'm sure you didn't realise that Blue Gnomes can only be found in the gardens of old, rich pure-blood families who can afford the expensive and highly magical plants that the gnomes feed on. Further to this, this Gnome is wearing a Gryffindor sock as a hat! That makes you and Mr Potter the prime suspects, and as you boys never do anything without each other it is no small leap to make the conclusion that you are all in it.

"No doubt you boys find this all hilarious. Well, I don't take kindly to it. I don't know how it is the other teachers give you so much leeway. You are selfish, egocentric, destructive little boys always trying to get attention and undermine our authority. If I had had it my way you would have been out of this establishment years ago. However, it was neither here nor there when you didn't do anything to deliberately offend me. But then you destroy my greenhouses. Well it will not be borne. Especially when you have the gall to deny it right to my face!"

"Professor, it was-" James began, but Sirius interrupted him.

"I don't care where that bloody gnome came from, Professor." His voice was shaking with fury. "I didn't bring it in here and I refuse to be accused of lying. You can't tell me that we're guilty and just expect us to accept that. And further to say that Remus and Peter would be guilty by association? That's beyond ridiculous!"

A small smile spread on Fen's thin wrinkled lips and her black-beetle eyes glittered. "Call it ridiculous to your heart's content, Black you'll still all be doing detentions until I'm satisfied. I think at least a week of detentions, starting from Monday. And then at the end of that, we shall see how to proceed according to how well you can convince me that you've learnt your lesson."

"Professor," Remus said quietly. "I'm afraid I won't be able to attend for the first few days, due to the full moon."

Professor Fen regarded Remus and narrowed her eyes. "Then we'll make it two weeks detention, Mr Lupin, you may join the others once you have recovered. Let them thank you for their longer punishment. I'm sure they could use a reminder on what befriending a lycanthrope entails."

Remus felt himself go still. He felt the Professor's unfair words push the air out of his lungs like a punch to the gut. Years of practise had taught him that the over-passionate feelings that came with being this close to the moon were not to be indulged. So he dislocated himself from those feelings, like he always did. He pushed them to one side and they were other to him.

Vaguely he realised all three of his friends had taken a step forwards, Sirius shifting slightly so he was in front of Remus.

"Don't you dare talk to him like that, you evil, vile old witch." Snarled Sirius.

"Compose yourself Mr Black, there is no gain in ignoring the facts." said Professor Fen coolly, her smile widening. Obviously she was pleased to have found a crack in the Marauders' armour. Her eyes went back to Remus. "You do nothing but harm by being in their company. People do not make allowances for werewolves. Best you don't forget that."

Remus raised his chin slightly. "I never do."

Infront of him, Remus felt Sirius tense. Professor Fen seemed placated though, and she sat down at her desk and began to move her parchments around, clearly uninterested in them now. "Three weeks detention for your insolence and petty insults. You may return to your common room."

"If you ever speak to Remus like that again, I swear you'll regret it." Said Sirius. His voice was low and was almost shaking.

Professor Fen looked up to regard him still smiling, obviously enjoying her new game. "Four weeks. Are you threatening a Professor, Mr Black?"

Remus laid a hand on Sirius' back where Fen couldn't see. "Come on Sirius, please." He muttered. "Let's go."

Sirius leaned back slightly in response. "No, professor." He said, though his words were stiff.

"Good." She said brightly. "Because it would have brought your punishment to five. I shall see you on Monday."

* * *

"You don't believe a word she said, do you Moony?" Sirius demanded as soon as they were out of earshot. His voice was still wound tight.

"I'm fine Sirius." Remus shrugged. He kept walking forwards. He was still apart from himself, and he preferred it that way.

"That's not what I asked. Remus, you know she's wrong, don't you."

"The punishment was unjust,' said Remus quietly, "but it doesn't make her wrong."

"She's wrong, Remus." Said Sirius.

"She's definitely wrong." Said Peter. "And bollocks to her even if she was right."

They needed a response, Remus knew that. They would be so worried if he didn't. "Stupid old hag," said Remus quietly.

"Ha!" said Sirius slinging an arm around Remus' shoulder. "Bloody evil bloody stupid as buggery bloody old hag, I have a good mind to go to McGonagall about this one. Oi Prongs. Wasn't that your gnome?"

"Yeh, sorry guys." Sighed James, kicking a suit of armour with a clang. "I really don't know how it got into my trunk. You should have let me own up, Pads you idiot."

"Like it would have made any difference." Said Sirius darkly. "What the hell do you have in your trunk that attracts Blue Gnomes anyway?"

"Bloody I don't know. I never know what's in my trunk."

"Merlin, James, _three_ weeks of detention because you don't know how to pack!" moaned Peter. "And I _hate_ Herbology detentions! She's always so sneaky, she always thinks up things that look so easy and end up so gross!"

"Worms, we have four weeks detention, keep up." said Sirius.

"Four weeks? What? How did I miss that? Ugh! _Four weeks detention_."

"Ah, I'll make it up to you Wormy. What say you to a kitchen trip?" James pointed the way towards the Hufflepuff common rooms.

Peter grinned. "I say you always know the way to my heart. Lead on Prongs!"

"I think we'll skip this one guys." Said Sirius. "'Ickle Moony needs his beauty sleep, don't you 'ickle Moonykins?"

"As the mutt says, I'm could use a sit down." He said dryly.

James and Peter headed in the other direction. "We'll bring you chocolate!" They called as hey rounded the corner.

Remus made to continue towards the common room, only to be stopped when Sirius pulled him back. He pulled Remus around to face him. The hand that was Remus' shoulder slid around the base of Remus' neck, a thumb on his collar-bone.

"Wait." Sirius softly, and his eyes roamed on Remus' face. "Are you sure you're ok?"

Remus stayed still. He could feel Sirius' touch on his neck. He could feel the heat and the thrill and the responses that should be there, but it was all apart from him. It was exactly the same as when he was in Fen's office. This was a defence that he had built up over so many years to remain calm when he was at his weakest, and he suddenly found himself servant to it.

"I'm ok, Sirius." He said.

Sirius's thumb stroked at Remus' throat.

"Not now, Sirius." Remus said quietly.

Sirius's eyes were wide and searching, his thumb still moving. "Why not?"

Remus was blank. Sirius frowned. His hand moved up and traced Remus' face, from the bridge of Remus' nose, along under his eye and up his cheekbone. He peered down at Remus. Remus knew he hadn't changed.

"Is that it?" whispered Sirius.

_No it's not it_. One part of Remus was screaming to react. This was Sirius. _Sirius_. Something amazing was happening. But the stillness had taken him, and there was nothing he could do.

Sirius was searching his eyes. His hand moved to tip Remus' chin, and he dipped his head, pressing his lips softly to the corner of Remus' jaw at the top of his neck. It was such an intimate place to be kissed, so sweet and calm. Sirius' breath stirred Remus' hair and was cool against his neck. Sirius kissed him there again, this time slightly open, so Remus could feel his tongue rasp against him. Remus felt his breathing speed up, but even that was apart from him. His hands were loose at his side. He felt numb.

Sirius withdrew and gazed at him.

"Anything? He whispered, his voice was almost a plea now.

"I can't do that Sirius." Remus said quietly, and he turned and made his way to the common room, leaving Sirius behind him.

* * *

Author's Note: Wow it's been a while. Sorry chaps. Nice and long chapter though, I hope that makes up for it.


	5. The Day before the Night

I know, I know, terrible traumas, I haven't updated in this in ages! But I promise you all that the next update won't be half a year in the making! But I'm back again, with my next chapter that has been beta'd by the wonderful **Slinkymilinky**. She's beta'd the previous chapters as well, so as soon as I get around to it I shall be making them shiney and new as well. Betas are great… Anyway I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: J K Rowling owns all…

**The Day Before the Night **

Remus swung his legs over the side of the bed. The floor was solid and cold against his feet.

-o-

"Merlin, wake up, you're screaming, wake up! It's only a dream-"

Sirius gasped awake at the words, jolted awake by panic. They'd found him out. He didn't think he could bare the shame. It took him a couple of seconds of trying to steady his breath before he realised his curtains were still shut and the charms were still up.

"Prongs! You scared the shit out of me!" Came Peter's muffled voice from across the room.

"I scared the shit out of you?" James cried, "I scared you? Godric's Blazing Bananas you almost woke the whole school up with your shouting-"

"Oh gods Prongs, it was horrible! Horrible!" Peter was squeaking now, "I was cutting of my own hand with a knife- with a knife! I bloody hacked it off bit by bit. There was blood everywhere! I couldn't stop it Prongs, you have no idea-"

Sirius relaxed and pulled dragged the back of his hand over his forehead, it came away wet with cold sweat. He ruffled a hand through his hair so it looked more like bed head then noticeably damp. The new one way silencing charm was already paying its dues; it was now unlikely that they were going to catch him unawares.

"And then! I finally got it off and there was blood squirting in my face and I couldn't see where I was going, and I knocked Mum's vase over and she was shouting at me and I was just coping with the trauma of _having no hand_ when my damn hand got up turned around and started to chase me! It was trying to kill me Prongs, my hand was trying to chase me down and strangle me to death!"

Sirius opened his curtain just in time to see James slumping face first onto his four-poster bed while Peter was caught up in re-enacting the whole thing again with the help of his own (thankfully still-attached) hand. As Peter flopped over his bed trying to hold back the 'evil' hand with his 'good' one, Sirius' gaze moved to Remus' bed. The bed covers were neatly tucked and folded, it looked long since vacated. Sirius frowned, grabbed his towel from his chair and made his way to the shower.

-o-

"Look where you're going, you Gryffindor cretin!"

Remus blinked at Snape, and then nodded to himself distractedly. He was about to continue on his way when Snape sneered some barbed jibe at him and he realised he was in the middle of the confrontation. That was ok; he could allow Snape to say what he needed. As he expected, the sentences came thick and fast, littered with various threats and insults, and Remus waited patiently to listen to all of them. He wanted to go to the Great Hall. He needed to sit down and eat, his body was ravenous with the coming moon, and he intended to get as much research done to see what was wrong with his mother as possible before the moon did its damage.

Snape clicked three times in front of his face. "Are you even listening to me? You look slightly under the weather if you don't mind me saying Lupin, I hope you're not coming down with the same thing your Mother's got."

Remus felt his attention drawn back to Snape again, and he frowned.

"Not that I suppose you care," the Slytherin continued, "You haven't followed through on my previous… _request_."

_Copper_. That was definitely the taste, Remus decided. He could taste copper in his mouth, his tongue pressed against the back of his teeth.

-o-

Sirius gasped and watched as his white skin went pink under the water from the shower. It was hotter than he usually liked it, but he was feeling particularly battered this morning.

It had been a difficult night. No matter how long he had tried to hold it off, he had finally fallen asleep. Sirius sighed. It was all getting worse, not better. His entire body was aching from the nightmares and the spasms that went with it. He hadn't slept properly in a week, but today was the first day he really began to wonder if he could keep it up.

His mind jumped back to the previous evening. He couldn't figure it out. Remus was usually so warm and soft- ok he was a bloody conservative git, but Sirius liked that he only really let his closest friends see his passion. But yesterday he had just… shut down. It was total crap of course. It didn't enter Sirius' mind for a second that Remus wasn't attracted to him. Of course he was. Sirius could tell when someone was attracted to him, even with someone as subtle as Remus.

He closed his eyes, and the images of his nightmares flashed before him again. Sirius punched the wall. Why couldn't he just think about Remus and concentrate on that?

"This is bullshit. Get a grip on yourself Sirius Black. You're above them."

He thumped the wall and pushed himself out of the shower, shaking his hair as though he was trying to shake the thoughts out of his head. He _was_ Sirius Black. He _was_ above this. He was above all of them.

His reflection glowered at him in the mirror. Sirius tried to ignore it as he brushed his teeth. It didn't matter how much scrubbing you did, you couldn't get away from that. It was unmistakable. He had his mother's looks and his father's eyes. He had the same way of walking, the same way of speaking. The more he worked to be apart from it, the more it seemed to catch up with him. Bellatrix was right.

Sirius spat.

"Stupid bitch," he muttered, and spelled his hair dry. He exhaled. That was enough for one day.

When he arrived back in the dorm, James was duelling Pete, obviously having been roused as Wormtail's "evil" hand had declared war on the whole room and everything in it. Sirius glared at his bedside cabinet, it had not escaped the conflict and was looking slightly worse for wear shattered across the floor with all its contents littered around.

"_Accio_," Sirius pointed his wand at the various items as he pulled on his clothes, "_Accio_, _accio, reparo, wingardium leviosa, wingardium leviosa, reparo, accio, accio, wingardium leviosa…_"

"Sorry Pads!" called Peter, dodging a curse and hitting his head on a chair at the same time.

Sirius saluted his exit and made his way down the winding staircase. He was pretty certain he was getting a headache, and it was way too early in the day for that. His agenda was simple. He needed food, and he needed to find Remus. He knew he should probably leave him alone, but he also knew it wasn't in his capacity to do so right now. Things would be so much easier if…

Sirius stopped and shook his head. Who was he kidding, easier?

"Pah!" he said. Things weren't easy and they weren't due to be. For Merlin's sake, bloody _Voldemort_ was on the train not so long ago.

-o-

The babble of the food hall was almost too loud this morning, but Remus knew he had to be seen to be fine, especially when he would be gone for a few days. Routine was comforting though, and he found his way to a seat and managed to sit out of the way of Lily's gaze. Lily was way too observant. He didn't want to be in that line of fire.

-o-

"Make it stop!" whined Sirius to himself, closing his eyes and digging his fingertips into his temples. Maybe if he dug hard enough he would be able to gouge this bloody headache out of his skull. Walking towards the Great Hall with one's eyes closed is not a simple task, but Sirius was pretty well educated to the School's layout. He managed fine for five minutes before he was unexpectedly thrown off his feet.

Sirius cursed and looked up. Snape was standing over him, smiling his annoying semi-smile that he never had quite managed to make look lazy or refined.

"I'm appalled, Black. Too easy," Snape smiled, "you'll have to have your wits about you if you plan to be an Auror…"

Sirius fumbled for his wand, but Snape was too fast, hitting him with a nail-growing curse, before making an almost impressively swift exit.

"Dammit!" cried Sirius and dropped his wand in a desperate attempt to get his shoes off before his toenails caused some proper damage. This was not so easy when his fingernails were elongating at a worryingly quick speed. He wasn't so lucky with one sock, he hadn't managed to get it off before the nails were growing too far through it to be tackled with his hands in the state they were in. Sirius cursed.

"Mind you, he had point," muttered Sirius to himself. "What's the point of being a genius if you're caught unaware by some STUPID SLIMY SLYTHERIN GIT!" He banged the wall with one talloned fist, but there wasn't much for it. He had to make the uncomfortable and quite hindered journey to the hospital wing while constantly trying to clip the nails with his wand. He had had to leave his shoes in the corridor, and he hoped to god no one took them, destroyed them or left something gross in them in his absence.

-o-

"Take a seat, Black."

Sirius grinned, "I love that you're always straight to business, Poppy."

He hobbled over to the nearest bed and collapsed, watching with morbid fascination as his nails continued to lengthen and curl. That greasy bastard was getting bloody good at cursing. He clipped a couple more of them off.

Madame Pomfrey stopped and sighed when she caught him, before yanking his arm forwards and prodding him with a few test spells. "Do you mind Mr Black? I'd prefer not to have your nails everywhere if you please."

"Sorry Poppy," and then after meeting her glare, "but it's such a lovely name, far nicer Madame Pomfrey, that makes you sound positively dowdy."

"Thank you, Black."

"And I don't think you're dowdy at all. I think you're _very_ attractive."

"That's wonderful, Black. Press your tongue against the roof of your mouth please."

"Why, do you think the spell will make me bite my tongue?"

"I doubt it, but I had hoped it would stop you talking."

"Oh."

Sirius tapped his long nails on the side of the bed while she disappeared into her stores cabinet. She came back with a phial of potion, a pot of ointment and some cotton wool. Sirius eyed it nervously.

"Will this take long? I still haven't had my breakfast-"

"I'm sure that every time a student comes in here with some sort of malady, the first thing they ask is if I've managed to get in my five-a-day," said the nurse drolly, "drink this."

Sirius tipped back the potion.

"I'm a growing lad; I have to think about my food. Bloody hell, that tasted awfu- Ahhhh!" He jumped as his nails started shrinking back into him and he had the unfortunate sensation of someone pushing wood into his fingers and toes.

"Oh do stop whining, it will be done in fifteen minutes or so," said Madame Pomfrey, quickly swabbing his fingers and toes with the ointment so that the pain dulled away to an uncomfortable throb. "There." She pulled a chair next to the bed Sirius had chosen to occupy. He shifted awkwardly, trying to avoid her probing stare.

"What?" said Sirius. When she still didn't say anything, "Have I got something on my face?"

Madame Pomfrey rolled her eyes, "Hmmm. You're not looking your normal bright self at the moment, Black. I've had a few teachers mention it too me. I wanted to ask if you've been sleeping properly."

Sirius scowled. Brilliant.

"I can sit here all day you know."

Sirius tried to fold his arms, failed because of his nails, put his hands by his side trying to look unmoveable, and then sighed. The woman did not look like she would back down. But then, would it really be so bad if he fed her a few half-truths if it meant she could give him something to calm the nights?

He cleared his throat, "I've had a couple of… nightmares recently."

Madame Pomfrey leant forward, "Really. About what?"

_Hell if I'm telling you_, thought Sirius as the images flashed past him. He shuddered, but that served his purpose, "It's embarrassing really."

Poppy's eyes softened, "yes well, anything you say here is strictly confidential, Black."

Sirius nodded and looked away. Even though he was only telling her a fraction of it, he was beginning to feel nervous. But it would be enough, enough that it was a valid reason, and not so much to give away anything really important. He swallowed. "Nightmares about… about You-Know-Who. Ever since he was on the train."

Madame Pomfrey grimaced, her face darkening. Sirius was surprised to hear a slight shake in her voice when she spoke again. "Yes, well Black, that was a terrible thing to happen to all of you. I've been telling Dumbledore that these things are bound to have- how should I say… adverse effects on the students."

"I'm not scared," Sirius said obstinately, jutting out his chin. He frowned and played with one retracting nail before continuing quietly, "I just, I can't get his voice out of my head."

Madame Pomfrey put a hand on his. "Fear isn't anything to be ashamed of, you know. It's natural and healthy," she said gently. "So, go on. What happens in your dreams?"

Sirius huffed humourlessly, "I'd rather not go into them."

"Black, you have to talk through them if you want to work through them."

"No. No. I can't talk about them," said Sirius allowing panic to settle just enough in his voice. He sat up as his nails had almost reached the right length. He had to get out of here before this became a real discussion. He may as well cut his losses and get to the point. "I was wondering if it would be possible to get some 'dreamless sleep' from you?"

Madame Pomfrey pursed her lips in consideration and proceeded to narrow her eyes further and further before Sirius greatly suspected that she couldn't see anything of him. What she was trying to find out, he wasn't sure. But she must have found it, because in the next moment she snapped up, summoned a bottle and a phial went to a surface to transfer the liquid.

"You may have enough for two nights Mr Black, but I suggest you use them wisely. Dreamless sleep is not a cure, and it is highly addictive, and should be only consumed under controlled regulations. I trust that should this problem persist you will come back to me to find alternative methods to cure your insomnia?"

"Yes, of course Poppy," Sirius tried to pull a troubled and sincere facial expression, followed by a small smile, "Thank you."

"Insomnia isn't to be taken lightly you realise, sleep deprivation can lead to lack of co-ordination, memory loss, headaches, depression," her gaze narrowed again, "it can lead to disproportionate hunger due to the higher energy output your body requires."

Sirius skewed his mouth, "I'm just hungry because I want breakfast. Normal hunger. Normal haven't eaten in hours, need food kind of hunger."

"Of course," She gave him the phial, "read all the warnings thoroughly before taking."

Sirius glanced at the transparent phial. Madame Pomfrey nudged it with her wand and said "WARNINGS", and the phial proceeded to puff out a series of warnings such as 'Don't drink me while walking. Don't drink me when on the Hogwarts Express. Don't drink me while doing a Hawaiian hula. Don't drink me when surrounded by knives…'

"Enough," barked Madame Pomfrey, and the phial stilled again. "On your way, Mr Black."

"Thanks Poppy-"

"Address me incorrectly again I'll curse you properly. And I won't be the one to cure you. Trust me when I say you'll need professional help."

Sirius grinned his exit, although he wasn't totally sure she was joking.

-o-

Sirius glared at the offending empty space that had previously been taken up by his shoes.

"Stupid Slytherins bloody messing up everything gonna bloody kill them all gonna bloody make him wish that he never…" Sirius continued to mutter a string of insults and promises to himself while heading back towards the common room. He halted by a statue of armour when his stomach gave a particularly stubborn growl and he decided that one priority greatly outweighed the other. Food. Shoes. Track down the offending shoe thief and curse him to high heaven. He agreed with himself that it was a good plan of attack, if only he could get rid of this damn headache. He stamped his bare foot. Why didn't he pick up a head numbing potion as well?

"You really are an idiot today, Padfoot," he grumbled and turned back on himself again, marching in the opposite direction.

Upon entering the great hall, Sirius clocked three important facts. Firstly, the only teachers here at the moment were Flitwick and Stroodle, both of whom were deep in discussion. Secondly, Moony, as usual, was sitting more absorbed by a book than by his food. And thirdly and most frustratingly given the current circumstances, Snape was not at the Slytherin table. _Small matter_, thought Sirius later with a shrug, and he covertly flicked a wordless ripple charm at their table none the less, sending food flying everywhere.

He continued his journey to Gryffindor table, only turning and laughing when other people had noticed. When he turned back Moony hadn't even looked up to see what the commotion was. Nor did he look up when Sirius scrambled onto the bench opposite him.

Moony could be absorbed by book and not notice a bomb going off sometimes; that was not unusual. What was unusual was that Moony didn't look like he was concentrating on the book. He was looking at it, but something was missing. Sirius made short work of piling his plate up with sausages, bacon, eggs and toast. As he ate, his eyes kept on wondering back to the boy sitting opposite him. They still hadn't said a word, and Sirius was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

He looked ill, thought Sirius, thinner than normal. He looked at the empty plate next to Moony, and by the quantity of bacon rinds that were left behind he had eaten far more than he usually did before the moon. Sirius' stomach was beginning to feel quite hollow, regardless of the food he was filling it up with.

Moony turned a page, "Barefoot is all the rage now I see."

Sirius blinked and looked up again, Moony hadn't raised his eye level, but continued to stare quite blankly at the book, "I didn't think you'd noticed I was here," he said accusingly.

"It was hardly a quiet entrance, Sirius."

Frowning, Sirius toyed with some bacon, "You saw that huh?"

"I saw it," Moony replied shortly, running his finger down a column of extremely small text. Sirius couldn't see the name of the book, but he thought it looked medical. He wondered if Moony really was searching for something specific, or that these motions were now ingrained in him.

Sirius nodded to himself, though he wasn't sure what he was agreeing with, and stabbed the bacon with his fork. Moony had been sitting opposite him all that time, why hadn't he acknowledged him? "You don't have to act like I don't exist at all, you know."

"I'm not ignoring you, I'm concentrating on this. It's interesting."

"Thrilling, I'm sure," said Sirius drolly, ripping up some bread to clean up the egg yoke. "Regardless, it's pretty standard etiquette to stop reading when someone joins you."

The werewolf shrugged, "It's never bothered you before."

Sirius glared at him. "Yes, well, there's rarely been something between us that you would want to avoid before. You won't even look at me."

Remus looked up then, and lent back on his chair and folded his arms, his face unreadable. _No, not unreadable_, thought Sirius, _just blank_.

"There," said Remus, "I'm looking at you. Now, if there's some subtext to this conversation, Sirius, you'll have to enlighten me."

"I'll say," said Sirius taking a slug of pumpkin juice, "You're normally more observant then this."

Remus shrugged and shook his head. He looked exhausted, and was making a pretty good show of not having the slightest clue of what Sirius was talking about.

"Just spit it out Sirius."

Sirius slammed down his goblet.

"Bloody hell, Remus you're acting so closed and indifferent, as though-" Sirius stopped himself then, and leant forwards, "I suppose you want me to completely gloss over the fact that you just calmly walked away from me yesterday?"

He watched Remus for a flicker of response to that. The only thing he got was a faint tilt of the head and a quiet "oh". Sirius felt doubt creep through him like he had rarely experienced with his friends.

"Oh?" growled Sirius. "_Oh?_ Are you that surprised that I want to talk about it?"

"I suppose not," replied Remus calmly, "I simply assumed that you wouldn't want to bring it up in front of the whole school." He shrugged, and then turned to put his book away.

Sirius was only just short of shocked. Was that it? Did he think the conversation was over? Sirius shot a hand out to grab the boy's wrist. Remus stilled and raised his eyes to him.

"Just because your not willing to confront this doesn't mean that I won't," growled Sirius. He knew that he was now acting out, but he hadn't felt this out of balance in a while. Remus was usually so caring, so communicative, and now… it was strange. He was somehow hollow. He lacked life. It scared Sirius, and he was scared that it was somehow his fault. He wanted to shake him up, to force a reaction out of him.

"Yes, well confrontation has never been your issue, has it?" Remus said lowly, "Even if we have and audience." His eyes flicked around, then down to his wrist, which Sirius still had in a bruising grip. People were starting to stare – whispering behind their hands. He released his hold and dropped his hand back into his lap. A white mark bordered by pink bloomed across Remus' wrist.

Remus started putting his books in his bag. "You never got it, did you Sirius? I don't like public displays," he said quietly, so that Sirius could only just catch the words, "I don't like discussing personal things in places such as the Great Hall, especially if it is preceded with you acting like an eleven year old with a grudge. You attacked all the Slytherins just then, regardless of whether or not even one of them has done anything to you. There are kids on that table. You're brother is on that table."

Sirius shook his head, "what of him?"

Remus looked him in the eye and when he continued, his words were measured and precise, "be that as it may, there are others. Innocents. And you are no better then them if you attack without provocation simply because of their house. I don't know if you've noticed it but I'm not a fan of discrimination." He closed his eyes and sighed, "I'm really tired; I honestly don't think I can be bothered with this Sirius. Come back to me when you've grown up."

Sirius stared, dumbstruck. Well he'd wanted a reaction.

Remus didn't give him a second glance as he swung his bag onto his shoulder and left the hall.

-o-

Sirius flung open the door to the dorm and marched over to his bed. James was in the middle of trying to describe to Peter why conjuring was considered a type of transfiguration, and Peter was fore-filling his daily quota of looking confused.

"Prongs. Come with me," Sirius barked, fishing out some shoes from under the bed and pulling them on.

"I'm in the middle of something, mate," said James, not looking up from the diagrams they were studying.

"No. Now!" Sirius marched back out of the room again. James shrugged, got up and followed him down the stairs.

"That's fine," called Peter to the door, "just leave me on my own, it's not like we were doing anything anyway…"

Sirius was halfway to the lake before James caught up with him. It wasn't like they had to consult about this anyway; they both knew where they were going. There was a corner of the lake that was shielded from view from the rest of the school by silver birches, it was their favourite spot to skip stones, plan pranks and have manly heart-to-hearts. Both of them began summoning any vaguely round stone they saw on the way, and before long their cloak pockets were clinking with their hoard.

When they got to the spot, Sirius skipped three stones in quick succession, all of which raced across the surface into the distance. Sirius sighed; it felt good to use up some energy. James levitated his pile next to Sirius' and sat down.

"What's eating you Pads?" he said, taking his glasses off and cleaning them on his cloak. As usual he looked rather dazzled and wide-eyed as his eyes tried to re-focus.

Sirius skipped three more stones turned and gave James a quizzical look.

"Prongs?"

"Yep?"

"You look like a twat, by the way."

"Fuck off."

"I'm gay."

James put his glasses back on and glared at him for a moment. "I bet you bloody are, as well. Always have to be different, don't you?"

Sirius shrugged, and turned back to skipping stones.

"Come on," said James, sitting back on his elbows, "what's the issue then? I know you didn't drag me out here to tell me that."

"Nope."

Sirius grinned to himself. This was why he loved James. James didn't see muggles or wizards; half-bloods, pure-bloods or muggle-borns. He didn't see house elves or centaurs; queers or straights. With James it was never going to be an issue. People where people, and that was all he needed. Sirius hadn't told him up until now, because he honestly hadn't felt the need to. He wasn't hiding it; it just wasn't necessary for discussion. James was so far away from everything his family stood for. He was the brother Sirius had always longed for.

"Well then, what?"

"Moony is gay too."

"Really?" said James, frowning, "guess that makes sense. He's not quite so gay as you though. Maybe he's bi. Or maybe you're just like a super-queer. Pansy-extraordinaire."

James dodged quickly enough to miss Sirius' kick, then pulled out the snitch he always had on him, "if you tell me that you're in love with him, I'll bloody hit you around the head."

"I'm not going to tell you I'm in love with him." Sirius slung the next stone out at an angle that made it bound in long arcs across the lake. "What would be wrong if I told you I loved him?"

The snitch leapt from James' hand and wound its way around them before he caught it again. He shrugged. "I dunno. I just don't think it would be sincere."

Sirius considered that and skipped a couple more stones. It was fantastically calm here; just the sounds of insects droning, stones plopping, snitches buzzing and waves rippling. It was easier to ponder things when you were somewhere where you felt so at home.

James lunged forward to catch the snitch for perhaps the seventeenth time, "but you fancy him though, don't you?"

Sirius nodded. "Oh yeah, he fancies me as well."

"Of course he does," sighed James, pocketing the snitch. "That's the way it works in Sirius-land doesn't it? It's not even an issue is it? You don't even consider the possibility. People just fall before your feet. I bet you don't even bother trying. There you are, the slightest glance at a girl and they positively faint, and what do you do? You switch bloody sexual-orientation, woe the first werewolf you meet, and all the while the rest of us mere mortals who don't have quite such godly powers have to practically kill ourselves to make a girl even _notice_ them."

"Don't be bitter, it's not at all becoming."

James thumped him on the arm.

"Ow!" shouted Sirius, and he shoved James in the side so he stumbled.

"Don't be such a fairy!" laughed James and shoving Sirius right over. They then proceeded to wrestle until Sirius had James pinned under him with one arm held back at an awkward angle.

"Say it!" demanded Sirius.

"Never!" cried James gallantly, "Never shall the words leave my lips! Never shall you force it from me! I shall kill before I give up. I shall die before I give up. True evil is to cringe at the things that are called evils, to surrender to them our freedom, in defiance of which we out-face any suffering. No, Sirius, you'll never break me, for that man is not I! For as long as I still have this tongue in my mouth, you shall never take my dignity!"*

Sirius grinned and pushed on James' arm.

"Ahh! Pads you bastard! Ok, ok! Sirius Black beats James Potter in everything, including exploding snap, long distance dungbomb flinging, flying brooms and general suave panache!"

Sirius ruffled the boy's hair hard for good measure, then let him up.

"Pah! You're such a- pah!- jerk- pah!- I think I swallowed some grass," grumbled James, sitting up with his glasses askew and trying to pick stuff off his tongue.

Sirius rolled over next to him, laughing, "you look like a twat."

"Fuck off! Come on then. He fancies you, you fancy him, bish-bash-bosh, gross things I'd rather not think about. So what's the problem? You can't be worried about what Peter would think."

"Nah, Pete'll do what you do, that's his aim in life," said Sirius, settling back and staring at the sky.

"Sometimes you're a git, you know," muttered James, pulling out a matchbox and transfiguring it into some cigarettes. He passed one too Sirius and they lit them with their wands.

"Yeah, I know," Sirius said, exhaling. "I think that's the problem. You know Remus with his morals and all that. Yesterday I tried to kiss him and… nothing. He froze up."

"But, he fancies you," said James, sounding unconvinced.

"Yeah he fancies me."

"Are you sure? That sounds pretty much like someone not fancying you. Are you really sure he's gay?"

"Yes he's bloody gay alright? He's so bloody rainbow coloured he's got leprechauns running around him trying to find the pot of gold. No no no, he fancies me, I know he does, but yesterday… and just now, in the hall… all this stuff about Slytherins and bridging voids and acting responsible…"

"Wo- you've lost me. Back up."

"The thing is, Prongs," said Sirius, flipping over on his side so he could really look at his friend, "it's not about cursing about the Slytherins. Not really. It's not even about cursing Snape-" "Slimy git," James interjected. "Slimy git," Sirius agreed, "I just… I don't think I could bare it. It would be, like they've won. If I don't fight against them, then it's like, I'm letting them get away with everything they stand for. It feels like, I'd just be conceding, if I let it go. It'd be Sweden in Muggle World War II. It's not just pride, or maybe it is pride. Hell! It's about pride and not rolling over and…"

James didn't say anything, but frowned and watched the smoke slowly floated away.

"I'm better than them," said Sirius quietly, feeling his fists clench automatically.

James' eyes flicked to him then, and then he turned to face Sirius more square on, "you're better then your family Sirius, that's true. I'm just as bad, if not worse, because I don't have half the motivation you do. I love winding up the Slytherins and that bloody git, but the difference is, for me it's just a game. For you, I think it means more. You're trying to prove something, but if you carry on this route, you'll be proving just the opposite."

Sirius scowled, but James let it sink in and after a minute or so, Sirius sighed and pulled his hand over his face.

"I'm sure Remus isn't aware of how deep this runs anyway," James sighed, flicking his cigarette away, "I expect he's just morally projecting, as usual."

Sirius huffed, "you got that right, he said he wasn't a fan of discrimination."

"Yeah well, we need him. Our Jiminy Cricket."

Sirius barked his laugh.

"You'll get your arsed kicked," said James, getting up.

"Hey, I'm taking you down with me, Jimmy my lad."

"Hey! I don't bloody fancy Moony."

"You'll do what I bloody say you'll do…"

-o-

Remus watched his hand trembling, but pressed it on the desk when he heard Sirius' approach his usual dark corner in the library.

"Moony," said Sirius, "do you really mean all of that? Is that… is that why?"

"Padfoot…"

"Because, if you are really asking me to… to stop, I think I could. I think- but… just except Snivellus. Come on Moony, he has it coming, you've got to admit-"

"Especially Snape, Sirius," Remus interrupted, "it just won't mean anything otherwise."

"But Moony, he cursed me just this morning-"

"I don't doubt it," Remus replied.

Sirius swallowed. But when he stopped thinking about his pride, it became a choice between torturing Slytherins or keeping his friendship with Remus. And that was a simple decision to make.

"Okay," he whispered.

Remus blinked, "you swear?" he said slowly, "not a single curse?"

Sirius nodded, "Lion's honour, not a hex nor a curse to any of the Slytherins, especially Snape."

-o-

It was hard, and this was the hardest part of it so far. He knew he was manipulating his friend. His logic was sound, but it didn't mean that he wasn't pushing it to an extreme. Nevertheless, his resolve wasn't a problem, he was going to see it through to the end. Remus forced a smile onto his face; he tried to make it reach all the way across his face, to make it true. It took a little while before Sirius bought it, but slowly he seemed to relax.

The whole thing had taken more effort then he thought he had to spend, but Remus knew he only had to keep it up a little longer.

"Thank you," he said. Sirius' eyes practically lit at those words. Remus considered it, and then placed his hand over Sirius', "I'm just going to send an owl to my Mother. Would you mind going to the kitchens and getting me something? I don't think I can cope with the elves today."

Sirius nodded, "Meet you in the common room, ok? I'll find you something meaty."

"Thanks Pads."

Sirius got up, then turned back around.

"Moony?"

"Yeah?"

"We ok?"

Remus considered this, and tried to give Sirius the most honest answer he could find. Sirius deserved that much.

"Padfoot, I'm feeling a little out of it today. It's been hard; I'm finding it hard to concentrate on normal things. But you know, we're never going to be not ok."

Sirius nodded and gave Remus a small smile. He moved in and pecked Remus on the cheek before leaving.

Remus gathered up his research.

-o-

_Severus,_

_Sirius has agreed he will no longer hex or curse you and I am confident the others will follow him._

_I hope you find the conditions of our agreement fore-filled._

_Remus._

Remus watched the owl fly out of the window, and then started down the spiralling stairs. He felt absolutely no relief with this small victory, but then he supposed that wasn't all that shocking. He had after all betrayed his friends. It was slightly more difficult to grip the stair rail when he was shaking so hard.

-o-

"You look very determined, Black."

Sirius strolled past Snape. He didn't have much time. Remus would be in the shack by now.

"Worried about Lupin, are we?" Snape drawled, a smile playing on his lips.

Sirius paused and turned to face him, "'we' is a bit of an overstatement isn't it? I'm not worried about him, and I doubt you've ever managed to worry about anything except your own scrawny hide before, Snivellus."

The smile didn't disappear, "where does he go, Black?" Snape continued, "It hasn't escaped my notice that he keeps on disappearing."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Snivellus."

"Come, come, you can't be that blind," said Snape, moving forwards, "he's ill quite often, isn't he? Maybe he's inherited some kind of genetic disease. His mother didn't seem too well either."

Sirius narrowed his eyes, he was a little confused at Snape's line of logic, and didn't like where it was going. He folded his arms. "Fine, whatever, think what you like Snivelly, I don't have the time to entertain you-"

"Why don't I accompany you to your destination? I would so like to know where it is that Lupin disappears off to, and besides," his smile broadened, "the walk is very comfortable with my newly acquired footwear."

Snape stuck his foot out to admire some very familiar looking shoes.

"They're mine!" exclaimed Sirius in disgust, "Get your filthy Slytherin feet out of them and give them back before they absorb your odour!"

"Tut, tut, Black," said Snape who was now beaming, "how rude, I do hate it when we argue. Especially when I have it on very good authority that you're not meant to be doing that anymore…"

Sirius' heart dropped. He thought he'd a have a little while before Snape found out. But he seemed to know _instantly_.

"Va te faire enculer, fils de pute.**" Sirius snarled.

Snape narrowed his eyes, obviously not understanding, but nevertheless gathering the meaning.

"I'm going to make your life hell, Black," he spat, "like you've done mine, and no less then you filthy blood traitors deserve. And I'm going to enjoy every second of it." The smile returned on his face, making him look half deranged, "Good night, Black. Sweet dreams."

Sirius watched him disappear, then broke into a run in the other direction.

-o-

* Lucius Annaeus Seneca

** "Go fuck yourself in the ass, you son of a bitch."

Authors Note: So there we have it, another step closer. If you fancy penning me a note, do please do. I'd love to know what you think, especially if you've signed up to my story and I haven't heard from you before. For all those who sent me messages to continue, thank you lovelies, it had been at the back of mind and it really did spur me on! Keep well.


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